to be a teenager is to be cerebral

[quotidians]

When I was 15 I wanted to approach perfection. I became obsessed with self-cultivation, wiped my social media presence, read lots of philosophy (some of which flew way over my head), drafted resolutions for myself and wrote maxims for living well where I outlined the importance of "lifting to exhaustion" and "steering clear of vices," and banned myself from lying, idling, gloating, gossiping and complaining. Nowadays it's a rite of passage for a lot of young guys, especially with the prominence of gym culture; my friends quoted David Goggins, did dips with the tables in homeroom and drove themselves mad eating 3000 calories of chicken and rice every day "for the bulk." We constantly fought ourselves, abstaining from sugar and pornography like we were diabetic monks (and we were absolutely right to do so for the latter; porn addiction is an epidemic nowadays). I'm not deriding this mindset in any way, though I'm aware it's obsessive and often a consequence of low self esteem. I look back on it fondly because it was one of the most supportive environments I've ever been in. After lifting to muscular failure we'd dap each other up so many times our calloused hands flushed red from the impact, and it all had a placating effect on us. If you were sore it meant you were doing something right: that you were in the process of becoming better, or someone else. Strangely enough, we found something life-affirming in torn muscle fibres.

Perhaps this kind of mindset is less common than I think, and I just happened to be around a lot of semi-athletic high school nerds that were in the math competition club and read (or pretended to read) Marcus Aurelius. I digress. If you're young and discontent, the best thing you can do for yourself is to take up something you can make progress in relatively quick (because that'll motivate you to come back) and stick to it. It doesn't have to be physical, though the social aspect of doing a sport has the added benefit of making you feel more human. It just has to be something that will show you that you still have the capacity to improve. Teach yourself an instrument. Start drawing again. Pick up that commonplace book from 2024 and write about what you're reading. I'm evidently talking to myself here because I seem to be slipping into old habits again, but I can only let myself be a mindless drone for so long until I start feeling insane and have to write myself a reminder that this is what I really enjoy, and not 4 hours of compulsive gaming. 2026 we're locking in babyyyyy

Comments

[michaelboy]

The satisfaction of accomplishment, however small often serves as a great motivator. Of course, complete self-actualization is something for which to strive, but is normally out of reach for any 15, 17 or 70 year old.